Our very own American Pie

With apologies to Don Mclean, and the most brilliant song ever written

Long long time ago

I can still remember when

Mr Cameron had a smile:

He would give us all the chance

To go alone or stick with France

And maybe we’d stop whingeing for a while

But something made me hide a tear

When both sides brought out Project Fear

Lies and indecision

No side had a vision

I can’t remember details now

Of a purple bus and a sacred cow

But something made me wonder how

When Boris…. first appeared

So

Bye bye to your pie in the sky

It was funny at first now it just makes me cry;

If this pig had wings, then it still wouldn’t fly,

Wouldn’t even get its arse in the sky

Wouldn’t even get its arse in the sky

Did youfall for the baseless lie

That we had some cunning plan to try

When David Davis told us so?

Or did you search high and low in vain

For optimism in ‘Remain’?

And can you teach me which way I should go?

Well, I know that it was meant to be

Blindsiding UKIP’s strategy;

You all told loads of stories

Just to save the Tories

Bye bye to your pie in the sky

It was funny at first now it just makes me cry;

If this pig had wings, then it still wouldn’t fly,

Wouldn’t even get its arse in the sky

Wouldn’t even get its arse in the sky

Now for three years we’ve been trying to leave

For the brave new world that we half-believe

But, that’s not how it’s going to be

What you really need when you’re deep in shit

Is a Frenchman who can’t stand a Brit

And a drunk in charge of all you see

And Cameron has flounced away

And chucked the ball to Mrs May

Who just drew up some red lines

To push us to the deadlines

And Corbyn read a book on Marx

In his allotment in the park

Evading signals in the dark

The day we lost the plot

So Bye bye to your pie in the sky

It was funny at first now it just makes me cry;

If this pig had wings, then it still wouldn’t fly,

Wouldn’t even get its arse in the sky

Wouldn’t even get its arse in the sky

Helter skelter go the pound and stocks

When you’ve got Grayling, Gove and Fox

Saying things that sound half pissed;

You couldn’t make this up, it seems

Each party trapped by its extremes,

And the centre quite unable to resist

Now the London air was sweet and twee

And perfumed by the ERG

But once we cleared the fog

All we found was some Rees-Mogg

Then some Irish bloke with a funny name

Threw spanners in the whole damn game;

Do you recall the Backstop blame

The day we lost the plot

So Bye bye to your pie in the sky

It was funny at first now it just makes me cry;

If this pig had wings, then it still wouldn’t fly,

Wouldn’t even get its arse in the sky

Wouldn’t even get its arse in the sky

Oh, and there we were all in one hole

A generation on the dole

And no time left to start again.

So come on, Arlene tell us what to do

When you’ve forced your agenda through

We’re used to it, and we can take the pain.

Oh and as I watched the months all fade

To dust, and our goodwill degrade

It turned out no one wants our trade

The day we lost the plot

So Bye bye to your pie in the sky

It was funny at first now it just makes me cry;

If this pig had wings, then it still wouldn’t fly,

Wouldn’t even get its arse in the sky

Wouldn’t even get its arse in the sky

I met a girl who found too late

Of delays and tariffs on her freight

But she just smiled and moved to France

And I stood in the airport queue

And watched the others moving through

Whilst I stood in line just waiting for my chance

And in the streets the children came

And saw what happened in their name;

The plans had all been rumbled,

The cookie truly crumbled;

And the people who should take the poo

Like Jez and Dave and Boris, too

They’ll be fine, and they’ll blame you

The day we lost the plot

Bye bye, you have no more to lose

You were caught in a trap of the fakest of news

It’s a brave new world, but no one knows whose

And the Chinese will still sell us shoes

Yes the Chinese will buy all our booze.

We started singing

Bye bye to your pie in the sky

It was funny at first now it just makes me cry;

If this pig had wings, then it still wouldn’t fly,

Wouldn’t even get its arse in the sky

Wouldn’t even get its arse in the sky

1 thought on “Our very own American Pie

  1. Outstanding!! This should be sung in loud unison by all Brits at Twickenham before the next match!!

    Like

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